Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Making a change...

Do you ever feel like a total failure? 

I do.  Every day.

I wear many hats.  I'm a wife, mother, Christian, full time student, full time employee, daughter, sister, friend...and the list continues.  I have so many roles, and there is no way that I can be perfect at any of them, much less all of them, and certainly not when I am playing many of these roles at the same time.  I am human, after all.

The logical side of me knows that I have to give myself some slack...but that dang voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that I just need to push harder, try harder, do more.  I hate that voice.

Lately, however, I have really been struggling with feelings of total inadequacy.  We have had many changes in our family over the past few months.  Nick got a new job and his hours are crazy, Grayson started preschool, college classes started up again, and we have a toddler at home (yes, she is 9 months old, but we are still adjusting to a new family member.)  All of this has left me feeling like I can never just catch up and take a breath.  I feel defeated at the end of every day, and I feel like I am always leaving stuff undone.

I have been reading a few blogs, and I have some friends who have been taking a '31 Day Challege' to living a more intentional life.  I didn't really know what they would be doing when I initially heard about this, and I truly thought at the time that there was no way I could add yet another thing to my already overflowing daily schedule, so I didn't join in but I was interested in seeing how things went for them.  Needless to say, I have been totally inspired!

Reading and hearing about some of the things they have been doing, and things they are changing in their lives and the difference it has been making is amazing.  They are truly working toward living intentionally, and they seem happier, healthier and more content.

I know I missed the October 1st start date, but I think if I were to use that as an excuse as to why I shouldn't do it, I would be missing out on something that can definitely make a difference in my life, and more importantly, in the life of my family members.  I need to make some changes, and there is no better way to be held accountable, than to post it for all of you to see!

One of my biggest and most driving forces for doing this is my son.  My sweet, beautiful, amazing little boy is growing up right before my eyes, and I feel like I'm missing all of it.  I'm so busy and so distracted by stuff that doesn't matter that I am losing precious time with him that I can never and will never get back.  He will grow up. I can't stop that no matter how badly I want to.  But I can make a decision right now to do everything in my power to make sure that he grows up knowing that he was loved.

So, starting on Monday, October 22nd, I will be revamping my life.  Over the next few days, I am going to make a list of things that are holding me back in life, and I will tackle them one day at a time.  I will be thinking of things that keep me tossing and turning at night, and I will change them.  No more excuses. 

Join me?  It's always easier with the buddy system.  If you aren't ready to join me, then please pray for me and encourage me.  I am so excited to see the changes at the end of the 31 days!

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